


he'd rather be sailing

by whizzvin_writes



Category: A New Brain - Finn/Lapine
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Fear of Illness, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attack, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Trans Gordon, Trans Male Character, anxiety spirals, anxious gordon schwinn, blood mention, idk TAGS, rhoda is mentioned, roger uses sailing as a stress reliever, so is mr bungee
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:54:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24311635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whizzvin_writes/pseuds/whizzvin_writes
Summary: What happens the first time Roger decides to go on a sailing trip since the incident?
Relationships: Roger Delli-Bovi/Gordon Michael Schwinn
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	1. chapter 1: trouble in his brain

The current state Gordon Schwinn was in was sadly, not a new one. The brunette was curled into a ball on the bed that would usually be shared with his boyfriend, Roger. Instead, Gordon was the only one at home for the week. He grimaced as he remembered the faux confidence he showcased when he convinced Roger that he would be fine when left alone. To speak honestly, the only reason Gordon said these things were because he had felt bad for how things went last time. Roger needed to take time to clear his head, but he had to end his trip sooner all because something was wrong. 

Gordon could barely tell what he was doing until he could hear the ringing echo throughout their seemingly empty apartment. He counted each ring in his head, trying to keep the numbers in line. However, each time he reached five, he got lost, and more tears pricked his eyes. Gordon was shaking, losing the reasoning why he thought it was okay to call, to bother Roger. Ready for the disappointment of no answer, he turned around once more, hoping to fall asleep.

“Gordon?” Roger’s voice called through the phone. Gordon whipped around, and grabbed onto his phone.

“Roger?”

“You called me, remember? Is everything okay?” Roger questioned, softly. Gordon shoved his palms into his eyes, trying to stop the tears. He took a deep breath in, before answering.

“It’s… no, it’s not okay,” Gordon replied, broken. He felt his breathing rapidly increase, and his heart speed up. “Roger--”

“Hey hey, Gordo, listen to me--”

“Roger, please let me explain,” Gordon interrupted. He felt himself gripping onto his forearms in an attempt to ground himself. The other side of the line was silent, so he took it as his sign to continue. “I’m sorry for being a pain in the ass and calling you when you’re supposed to be on a trip that’s helping you relax. And you’ve been gone long enough to have at least a day but…,” Gordon bit onto his lower lip. “Could you come home? It’s just… I’m scared. It’s getting bad again, and I don’t know what to do,” Gordon explained, with ‘it’ being his anxiety spirals. “I know, it’s stupid of me. I just can’t help but think that something is _wrong_ and I can’t go talk to Rhoda because I can’t even finish the stupid lilypad song for Mr. Bungee, not that it matters if I have fluid in my brain again.” Gordon tried to ignore his mind picturing the worried look that was likely on Roger’s face, causing another wave of dizziness to crash into him. “I mean as you’ve said, nothing’s really wrong, but Roger I’m scared, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. If something’s wrong, something worse, then I want to have been able to talk to you.”

“Gordon,” Roger started. Gordon could feel something twist in his gut from the seriosity and worry that made itself apparent in his lover’s voice.

“Roger, wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-- I shouldn’t have called. This is what Dr. Weisenbachfeld talked about, I’m just having stupid fears, right? Nothing is wrong, except now I’m making you worry over me,” Gordon rambled, feeling the room begin to spin. “I’m sorry, you can just ignore this whole thing. I’ll just ha--”

“Gordon, listen to me,” Roger cut in, more serious this time. Gordon felt his nails begin to pinch into the skin. “It’s okay to have set backs. That whole situation… god, it was a lot. I can’t imagine what it was like for you, but you really scared us Gordo. I was terrified that I’d lost you.” Gordon could barely hear the sound of Roger crying, and he felt his throat close up. “Do you need me back home?” This was it. The deciding factor. Gordon closed his eyes.

“Could you? Please?” 

“Of course. I’ll be on my way.”


	2. roger's gonna make things fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger comes home!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: anxiety attacks and spirals (described) and blood description (vague)
> 
> Stay safe luvs!!!

Roger Delli-Bovi didn’t think that he would ever be used to witnessing Gordon’s anxious spirals. Sure, it wasn’t rare for the blond to work himself into a panic before the incident, but this was worse. Now, Gordon feared his death with every panic attack. And Roger--well, Roger just needed to help reassure his boyfriend that he was still very much alive. That didn’t stop the stab to his gut as he heard Gordon compare this specific attack to when he was in the hospital. 

“Do you want me to stay on the phone while I head back, babe?” Roger questioned, throwing in a pet name to try and ground Gordon. He could hear his boyfriend’s breath shutter, and frowned. 

“I don’t um-- Roger, I don’t know. No? Please--please don’t hang up,” Gordon’s voice stuttered and crackled through the phone as Roger’s heart broke at the fearful begs. 

“Of course,” Roger paused for a moment. “Hey Gordon? Could you describe where you are right now?”

“I’m in the bedroom.”

“Okay. Are you on the bed or standing?”

“I’m--I’m under the blankets. Everything’s spinning, Roger. I--What if it’s coming back? I don’t want to lose you, I don’t want it to come back.”

“It won’t. Can you take a deep breath in for me, love?”

“I can’t--”

“I believe in you. Do it with me, alright?” Roger took an exaggerated breath in, and exhaled. “Let’s do it again.” 

After a couple attempts, Roger was able to get Gordon’s breathing back under control, though the man back at the apartment was still shaken up. Roger continued to keep his boyfriend’s mind distracted with random questions. He grinned when he was able to make Gordon laugh, until he heard a pained noise from the phone. 

“Are you okay?” Roger asked, concern filling his voice. He glanced at his watch before realizing something. “Gordon, do you have your binder on right now?” Silence filled the car, and then Gordon spoke up.

“If I said no, would you believe me?” he questioned.

“Probably not.” Roger concluded. “Could you go take it off?” 

Hesitation, then an “okay, but only because you asked nicely” was mumbled through the speaker, shortly before the crackle of disconnection cut through. Roger smiled softly at Gordon’s light reply, and parked the car. He made his way to their apartment, and knocked before unlocking the door and walking in. He took in the mess of blankets and books strewn about the living area, and repressed the disquietude building within him. His boyfriend always had his books in a specific order on the shelf, and it always helped to ease away any worries. Seeing them scattered on the floor as if he hadn’t watched Gordon spend hours to make them just right on multiple occasions-- ( _“Sometimes my brain just needs to have things a certain way, okay?” “That's okay, take as much time as you need.”_ ) --only increased Roger’s concern by a large percentage.

“Love? Are you in here?” Roger called out, making his way to the shared bedroom. He glanced at the weighted blanket that seemed to have been dragged out, only making it to the doorway. Roger bit his lip as he picked it up, and took a few more steps towards the bathroom. He stopped in front of it, and after hearing his boyfriend’s sobs, knocked on the closed door lightly. “Gordon, can I please come in?” A crash sounded from the small room on the other side of the door. Panicked swearing and glass shattering was the final straw for Roger. He announced himself before barging in “Okay, I’m coming in.”

The door itself wasn’t hard to open, the only exception being for the slight pressure that came with random objects in the way. Roger’s eyes focused on his boyfriend, and he quickly remembered the weighted blanket. He rushed over and wrapped Gordon into it, not paying attention to anything other than the trembling love of his life. Gordon’s grip on the blanket tightened, which resulted in Roger’s arms around him to do the same. The taller of the two began to rock them back and forth, and he whispered reassurances into the ear of his lover. 

_‘At least the worst of it is over,’_ Roger noted mentally, moving his hands to cover Gordon’s. The blond tensed up, and before Roger could ask what was wrong, he felt it. Looking down to his hands, the bright red sticky substance coated them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this wasn't abandoned!! A lot has been going on haha. Thank you so much for supporting this work!!! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are ALWAYS appreciated!!
> 
> -Lucas

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!! I love A New Brain, but I'm not the greatest writer haha. Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> -Lucas


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